The value of ‘respect’
There are many general perceptions of how the French live their lives. And also what makes them ‘tick’.
Passionate, expressive, disinterested, unpunctual are some of the adjectives which spring readily to mind.
However, if you asked me to name the most impressive aspect of French societal behaviour, instinctively my answer would be ‘the value of respect’.
In many western countries, one could argue that genuine ‘respect’ for fellow citizens and property have long disappeared. Not so in France.
Visitors to France are exposed to the well worn iconic images; a gentle cycle ride through idyllic countryside; the aroma of warm freshly baked bread wafting from boulangeries; a peaceful game of petanque played under a clear blue Provencal sky. Beneath all this lifestyle lies a national characteristic rarely observed by the visiting holidaymaker.
It is only after a period of social interaction with the French do you begin to appreciate how ‘respect’ is a core ingredient to the French psyche. Respect is part of their tradition, their heritage, and is an embedded strain of their ongoing attitude.
It is after all inherent in their every day language. As any student knows, you use ‘vous’ to an elder or if you do not know the other person well. Conversely, the pronoun ‘tu’ is perfectly acceptable between friends.
The ‘kiss - kiss’ on both cheeks is a respectful greeting applied universally. We were standing in the ticketing queue at Dijon railway station when two staff members arrived to start their day. Their first action is to ‘peck-peck’ their way down the line of their colleagues. This suspension of customer service is irritating to us foreigners, but is considered perfectly appropriate behaviour by the French.
There was a time not all that many decades ago when the French would not enter a shop unless they intended to make a purchase. To do so was considered disrespectful to the shop owner. This lead to the placement of window signs ‘entrée libre’ which can still be seen displayed to this day.
Some of the shopping traditions are so subtly respectful they would pass right over the heads of many foreigners. Mireille Guiliano in her widely acclaimed book ‘Why French Woman don’t get Fat’ tells how she would not dream of visiting her local boulangerie dressed in track pants and sneakers. To do so would be hugely disrespectful to her boulanger.
This show of respect is not confined to adults. Once weekly, four of us receive French language lessons from Isabelle in her private home. When Isabelle’s two young sons arrive home from school, without any prompting they move around the table. ‘Bonjour’, and ‘kiss-kiss’ are respectfully exchanged.
Consider how public property is treated in many countries today. In France it is uncommon to see public property vandalised. While some graffiti does exist, in the context of the size of France it is rarely sighted.
Here in Burgundy, wine bottles sit outside, unfettered, on display atop of wine barrels. Would a wine retailer in say New Zealand have confidence that his bottles would remain untouched?
The attitude to wine and alcohol is another illustration of their ‘respect’.When drinking wine with French friends I always empty my glass first. While I guzzle, they sip, giving the wine the respect it deserves. Often they will take their leave with the bottle unfinished. Where I was raised you would be drawing another bottle from your cellar.
The environment and neighbours are also respected. In our village by-laws exist that prohibit the use of noisy mechanical devices on Sundays and public holidays other than between 10.00 and 12 noon.
To what extent the value of ‘respect’ has been lost in other societies is probably debatable. However, it is useful to reflect on how a centuries old country such as France is able to preserve such a positive and powerful form of social behaviour.
It is a behaviour that many communities could well emulate for their own benefit.
August 16th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
Well said. We Americans have a lot to learn from the French in terms of daily manners. It still takes us aback when we walk into a small bakery where we have never been before and immediately hear Bonjour. And then when we leave we hear, and have learned to also say, “Au revoir, et merci.”
August 17th, 2009 at 7:53 am
As well as the words themselves Nancy, they are said with such grace and genuineness.